Living Energy Blog

This week we present special guest JANE ALLISON AUSTIN Attorney & Elder Care Advocate. She speaks nationwide about how to take care of aging parents. As the daughter of a father who died of Alzheimer’s and an only child who uprooted her life with her husband to care for her mother who was bedridden with dementia. Jane Allison knows first- hand what it’s like when the parent-child roles switch. She has made it her life-long passion to educate others on the importance of loving and taking care of your aging parents in the sunset of their lives. Some of the issues we’ll be addressing include: •What to do in case of an emergency with your elderly parents. •How to be certain your parents’ wills, living revocable trusts, powers of attorneys, and powers for health care are all in place and how to talk to your folks about doing them if they are hesitant to discuss these topics. • How to choose an affordable nursing facility and a home health care provider. • How to decide whether to take care of your parents in your own home or seek professional help. What’s in it for you? The joys and the pains you’ll go through emotionally when taking care of your parents, and so much more. This is a great opportunity to ask questions. Join us!

What does synchronicity got to do with caregiving? Join us tomorrow, Monday, August 23, 2010 and find out!

You can make room for The Creative to develop within you by letting go of inferior habits and thoughts … anything that doesn’t serve you or benefit your highest good.  Such habits would include judgments about other people, careless words and thoughts, lack of compassion, intolerance, frantic actions and more.  Cultivate integrity, goodness, patience and humbleness.  Open yourself to help from others.  Allow your High Powers to guide your actions.  Change what you can about yourself and accept what “is.” 

 How do you make room for The Creative to accomplish this acceptance, or the letting go of that which no longer serves you whether it be old patterns of behavior, difficult emotions or repetitive thoughts?

East is meeting West once again as current research demonstrates the biology behind wise ancient advice! Scientists have studied the process that successful people use in this regard and   have discovered that we can learn to set the stage for letting go through some fairly simple steps. The steps are simple however the changes that occur in the brain and throughout the body involve complex biochemistry. These changes not only involve a letting go and arrival at acceptance, they also improve health, enhance mood, open the door to creativity, increased learning, ‘out of the box’ thinking and boost productivity.  

The beginning of this process involves stress! The stress may be imposed from outside or it may come about as you seek to solve a problem or resolve a situation. The stress may be useful in the beginning in some ways, but if left unaddressed it typically builds as resolution of your dilemma is not forthcoming. If this continues your physical and psychological well being are impaired.

You can intervene in the stress cycle in a healthy way by taking a break and engaging in an activity that will trigger more beneficial and helpful biochemistry that will lead to the solution to your problem as well as the aforementioned other positive changes.

What types of activities are helpful now? Something that takes you completely away from your habitual and familiar thoughts, feelings and ways of reacting is essential. It can be helpful to consciously be aware of all the information and facts etc regarding your stress but it is also helpful to engage another level of wisdom to enter and help you. This is done by shifting your state of mind and not continuing to actively resist or fight with the cause of your stress.

Repetitive activities that help to quiet the mind and body are the key. You may choose meditation, yoga, prayer, knitting, singing, housework, gardening, contemplating nature, conscious breathing, walking, biking or hiking. The important component is that these are changes that break the pattern you were in and focus your attention elsewhere.

What happens then is a series of intricate shifts within your biochemistry and neurology that sets the stage for an ‘AHA Experience’…. the resolution of your problem. The next step is a return to normal life with a heightened sense of well being.

 The first time you practice this approach may not feel exactly like an enlightenment experience! Be assured however that with practice you will be strengthening pathways and laying the groundwork for new abilities to grow within you.  Spiritual energy and great creative forces surround us at all times but we must do our part to become worthy partners in the co-creative dance.

 Emotional Freedom Techniques is another great tool for removing the stress from your system and allowing greater states of relaxation, intuition and resolution to enter your awareness. In addition, imagery or inner child work focused on releasing past core issues are enormously helpful to open and release the fundamental roots of stress so that your inner space can be free and clear to allow more creative flow within you.

 Remember, the fundamental creative power of the universe is unrestricted and available to all of us.  We must have a way of connecting, aligning with it for it to benefit us. When we have a process to let go of the old and welcome the new creative flow can move more gracefully beyond stress and into a whole new way of being that is enlivening and life enhancing. 

“ We can also awaken ourselves with the intention to be more aware of the unconditional generosity of the life force that flows through us regardless of our circumstances.” From The Daily Om

Self Care for Caregivers
Energy Tools to Release Stress and Prevent Burnout
Free Preview Teleclass …
Date: Monday August 16, 2010
Time: 8:00pm – 9:00pm EDT

Caregiver stress is a major factor for individuals, families and society. The complexity of the role, the magnitude of competing needs, the conflicting emotions and the sheer physical drains of caregiving put caregivers at high risk for stress-related issues and burnout. If you are a caregiver, this teleclass, led by Karen Kallie and Peg Donahue, is for you!

Learn how to:
Discover an oasis of inner peace
Develop balance in your day
Renew, rebuild and restore your energy.

This class is a preview of an 8 week teleclass program that begins September 27th, 2010
 
To register for this call, click  here http://www.livingenergyworks.com/caregiver.htm . You’ll receive the phone number when you register and we will email you a reminder the day of the call.
 
Please pass this information along to anyone who may benefit from it.
 
Click here to join our Facebook page and receive regular Blog posts.
 
Take some time to ground and balance your energy every day!
 
Karen Kallie, Peg Donahue and Tony Pace

Caregiver Corner Tips Summary from our July 26, 2010 show on how perception influences stress–these are usefull for everyone not just caregivers!

1. Know that there are other ways of looking at a situation than yours. Try brainstorming other options for opinions and opening your awareness to other viewpoints.

2. Ask questions of others regarding possible solutions rather than than direct “rescuing” with solutions, answers or problem solving…Ask,  “What might happen if ..?”

3. Ask of the person being cared for as well as others involved in care: “How can we help you?” Especially ask the caregiver this question if you are not the primary source of care!

4. As a caregiver talk to a friend, confidante …tell your story, how it is for you… having a witness to your story or experience can be powerful in its own right.

5. Take time to meditate and be quiet. You need to recharge your batteries to keep going effectively!

6. Be aware of good boundaries. Examine yours and others and take measures to make them healthy.

8. See the family story as drama. Take the perspective that you are watching a movie or play, it helps to take you out of strong emotions that are so compelling and drag you down.

9. Observe what is being mirrored. Ask what this person place or situation is teaching—or can teach you…helps to put a constructive spin on it. 

10. Allow ALL your feelings. Your feelings need to be honored. Have a process that lets you feel them and then release them. Feelings tend not to be easily released until they are felt and processed. 

11. Appreciate the caregiver. If you are a family member, friend or professional involved in family care, remember to appreciate the caregiver’s efforts. If you are a caregiver, acknowledge and appreciate yourself!  

If you are involved in caregiving, what are some of the ways you have found that help deal with the complex interpersonal dynamics and stress of this situation?

As some of you are aware, over the past decade Tony, Peg and I have all been immersed in the experience of being caregivers for aging parents and relatives. These experiences have challenged us,  stretched us to grow in unexpected ways and moved us deeply in terms of what it means to be a spiritual being  living a very human life. We found that the Living Energy approach that we were teaching and writing about helped us navigate the difficult passages with more ease, grace and sanity than otherwise may have been the case. Hence we have turned our focus to bringing the tools and techniques embodied in the Living Energy work to the world of caregiving.

My own personal experience through this life stage (caring for elderly parents) has been long and strange. As a nurse and psychotherapist I had dealt with people facing illness and end of life issues many times. Without consciously thinking about it I had “learned” that there was a pattern–or a few patterns–that the experience tended to follow. But when it came my turn to deal with such an experience personally nothing followed the norm that I had unconsciously come to expect. I wish I had known a lot of things that I did not. I wish there had been guidance and support that would have helped me not get caught in unimportant places. I wish there had been help to point me to the growing edges of consciousness that would have smoothed out the bumps.

All those things were available in some ways but I had to search. Fortunately it is one of my coping mechanism to search! So it has actually turned into a  deeply expansive time for my entire being. I suspect this process could have been more graceful with fewer bumps if there had been a different kind of preparation and expectation, if there had been a different kind of guidance available when it got weird, surprising and unpredictable! But ultimately that is okay because it led me to a commitment to helping others learn as much as they could about this time of life –practically, emotionally and spiritually—to help them learn to dive deep to find the inner resources to strengthen and support them so that it could become a life enhancing (although often painful) experience rather than a soul deadening one.

So with all that in  mind…here is an excellent article on conversations that it is important to have when aging, serious illness and death edge more fully into your life. There are so many more details and nuances to these conversations than the ultimate one of whether someone wants to be kept alive by mechanical means. These things are difficult to address upfront but in the long run they smooth out the bumps so you can manage this journey a bit more easily.

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2010/08/02/100802fa_fact_gawande

Imagine an amusement park ride that took you on a virtual emotional journey through love, anger, stress, satisfaction, frustration, joy, depression, closeness, anxiety, fulfillment, and guilt. What would such a ride feel like? What life experience IS that ride and contains all these emotions? The answer is the out of balance life of an adult child caring for elderly parents.

You may ask if this description fits for even for those who have a good, healthy relationship with their aging parents. The answer is, “Yes”. The full gamut of emotions tends to be part of the experience for most caregivers. What differs between the two groups is the intensity of feelings and the duration of the negative experiences.

Unfortunately, the emotional roller coaster of the adult child-caregiver is only one aspect of the spine-tingling ride through one of life’s most complex and trying stages. The physical demands that can include housekeeping needs along with varying levels of assistance with basic life skills are also stressful. In addition, there are legal, financial, administrative, and medical needs to consider. And let’s not forget the emergency phone calls, hospital trips, interrupted plans, and difficult decisions involving care including the gut wrenching ones regarding placement in nursing facilities and end of life care.

Recent statistics can help us to grasp the magnitude of the effect of caregiver stress on not only individuals, but also on our society. It has been estimated that more than 25% of American families are involved in elder/parent care in some way. Currently the Baby Boomers are the most involved in this role. Since this is the largest segment of our population at present, it is a significant issue.

It has been reported that $34 billion a year is lost in employee productivity because of elder care responsibilities. This is more than that lost from childcare. In addition, it has cost industry more than $7 billion a year to replace workers who leave jobs to care for the elderly.  Seventy seven percent of those who remain in the workforce, report less effective job performance. It has also been found that more employees develop health problems from the stress of elder care than from child care. These statistics clearly show that there are many challenges for the caregiver, as well as for society as a whole.

The complexity, magnitude of competing needs, stress, conflicting emotions and sheer physical drain of caring for an elderly family member is enough to make you wish you had skipped Math and English class and majored instead in Caregiving 101, or in the PhD program, Saving Your Sanity in the Midst of Chaos and Confusion. Fear not, you can learn now. Our radio show Caregiver Corner addresses the stresses and concerns of caregivers each Monday morning on BlogTalk radio. In addition, we will be discussing these issues here on the blog, in a teleclass series in the fall and in our soon to be released book: Self Care for the Caregiver: The Heart of Compassion. Our intention with these efforts is to take our learning and experience and provide you with the support, comfort, wisdom and stress relief you need in order to navigate the choppy waters of caregiving and make it safely to shore with your whole self intact.