Living Energy Blog

As some of you are aware, over the past decade Tony, Peg and I have all been immersed in the experience of being caregivers for aging parents and relatives. These experiences have challenged us,  stretched us to grow in unexpected ways and moved us deeply in terms of what it means to be a spiritual being  living a very human life. We found that the Living Energy approach that we were teaching and writing about helped us navigate the difficult passages with more ease, grace and sanity than otherwise may have been the case. Hence we have turned our focus to bringing the tools and techniques embodied in the Living Energy work to the world of caregiving.

My own personal experience through this life stage (caring for elderly parents) has been long and strange. As a nurse and psychotherapist I had dealt with people facing illness and end of life issues many times. Without consciously thinking about it I had “learned” that there was a pattern–or a few patterns–that the experience tended to follow. But when it came my turn to deal with such an experience personally nothing followed the norm that I had unconsciously come to expect. I wish I had known a lot of things that I did not. I wish there had been guidance and support that would have helped me not get caught in unimportant places. I wish there had been help to point me to the growing edges of consciousness that would have smoothed out the bumps.

All those things were available in some ways but I had to search. Fortunately it is one of my coping mechanism to search! So it has actually turned into a  deeply expansive time for my entire being. I suspect this process could have been more graceful with fewer bumps if there had been a different kind of preparation and expectation, if there had been a different kind of guidance available when it got weird, surprising and unpredictable! But ultimately that is okay because it led me to a commitment to helping others learn as much as they could about this time of life –practically, emotionally and spiritually—to help them learn to dive deep to find the inner resources to strengthen and support them so that it could become a life enhancing (although often painful) experience rather than a soul deadening one.

So with all that in  mind…here is an excellent article on conversations that it is important to have when aging, serious illness and death edge more fully into your life. There are so many more details and nuances to these conversations than the ultimate one of whether someone wants to be kept alive by mechanical means. These things are difficult to address upfront but in the long run they smooth out the bumps so you can manage this journey a bit more easily.

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2010/08/02/100802fa_fact_gawande

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Imagine an amusement park ride that took you on a virtual emotional journey through love, anger, stress, satisfaction, frustration, joy, depression, closeness, anxiety, fulfillment, and guilt. What would such a ride feel like? What life experience IS that ride and contains all these emotions? The answer is the out of balance life of an adult child caring for elderly parents.

You may ask if this description fits for even for those who have a good, healthy relationship with their aging parents. The answer is, “Yes”. The full gamut of emotions tends to be part of the experience for most caregivers. What differs between the two groups is the intensity of feelings and the duration of the negative experiences.

Unfortunately, the emotional roller coaster of the adult child-caregiver is only one aspect of the spine-tingling ride through one of life’s most complex and trying stages. The physical demands that can include housekeeping needs along with varying levels of assistance with basic life skills are also stressful. In addition, there are legal, financial, administrative, and medical needs to consider. And let’s not forget the emergency phone calls, hospital trips, interrupted plans, and difficult decisions involving care including the gut wrenching ones regarding placement in nursing facilities and end of life care.

Recent statistics can help us to grasp the magnitude of the effect of caregiver stress on not only individuals, but also on our society. It has been estimated that more than 25% of American families are involved in elder/parent care in some way. Currently the Baby Boomers are the most involved in this role. Since this is the largest segment of our population at present, it is a significant issue.

It has been reported that $34 billion a year is lost in employee productivity because of elder care responsibilities. This is more than that lost from childcare. In addition, it has cost industry more than $7 billion a year to replace workers who leave jobs to care for the elderly.  Seventy seven percent of those who remain in the workforce, report less effective job performance. It has also been found that more employees develop health problems from the stress of elder care than from child care. These statistics clearly show that there are many challenges for the caregiver, as well as for society as a whole.

The complexity, magnitude of competing needs, stress, conflicting emotions and sheer physical drain of caring for an elderly family member is enough to make you wish you had skipped Math and English class and majored instead in Caregiving 101, or in the PhD program, Saving Your Sanity in the Midst of Chaos and Confusion. Fear not, you can learn now. Our radio show Caregiver Corner addresses the stresses and concerns of caregivers each Monday morning on BlogTalk radio. In addition, we will be discussing these issues here on the blog, in a teleclass series in the fall and in our soon to be released book: Self Care for the Caregiver: The Heart of Compassion. Our intention with these efforts is to take our learning and experience and provide you with the support, comfort, wisdom and stress relief you need in order to navigate the choppy waters of caregiving and make it safely to shore with your whole self intact.

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The key to living well through times of change and uncertainty is to take personal responsibility for your “self” care.

Prolonged stress leads to anger, depression, anxiety and illness.  The more responsibility you take for yourself, the more easily you are able to navigate the roads of change.

  What is optimal “self” care and how can you practice it?

Self care requires truly understanding yourself from the inside out and balancing the needs of your body, mind and spirit.   It involves taking time to nourish yourself every day and knowing your trigger points.  Once you are aware of different stressors that impact you, you can learn tools, techniques and resources to draw on whenever needed.

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For those of you who know Tony Pace via Living energy, you may not know that he is a multifaceted performer, singer, song writer, comedian—the list goes on! Tony has a new music video/recording—take a look at this poignant message for our time! Tony would love to hear what you think and please feel free to share ! Thanks!

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Here is a link to an excellent piece by Daniel Pinchbeck on the oil spill, our transitional times, opportunities and challenges, as well as some great comments on our power and collective transformation. 

It is long but very thought provoking, eye opening, scary and hopeful if you read all the way to the last two paragraphs! Lots of food for thought in the comment section as well. What do YOU think?

http://www.realitysandwich.com/gulf_oil_spill_unfolding_prophecy

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Monday, July 19, 2010 at 10 A.M. on Caregiver Corner we will be talking about how to manage the negative emotions that can arise during the caregiver experience. What are these emotions, where do they come from and what can you do about them?

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As we engage in a routine meditation practice we are able to tame the conscious mind, and become more open to the higher frequencies of universal consciousness. Meditation intrinsically helps to develop an enhanced perspective that allows us to become aware of the lower mind (ego) and its various machinations that keep us stuck or locked in struggle and repetitive behaviors that imprison us. 

 When practiced over time meditation takes your awareness beyond time, ego, thought, sensation, emotion and memory. As you move closer to Source frequencies, you move away from the tyranny of the lower mind. After a while you begin to recognize transcendent experience as a sense of fullness, of steadiness or of an appreciation for the infinite.

 Mediation practice helps enhance any other work you may be doing ten fold. It helps cleanse and strengthen the nervous system, as well as increases perception, insight and concentration.  Although it may seem counter intuitive, taking time to meditate regularly actually expands time and opportunities in other areas of your life.

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A nice viewpoint for 2012 rather than fear…

“The Call” from keith wyatt on Vimeo.

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We became acutely aware of the needs of caregivers of the elderly by being involved in real time, in real life, with the complex and difficult issues that can create so much stress in a caregiver’s life if they are not dealt with in a healthy, life enhancing way. It occurred to us that the work we were doing in other areas, as well as in our own personal lives, could really help people change the way they moved through and experienced what tends to be a difficult and challenging part of living.

Peg and I have been writing a book on preventing Caregiver Burnout. This work integrates an energetic/spiritual approach and brings it to the issue of stress management and burnout prevention that is such a big issue for caregivers.

We have our own experience to draw on as well s our other partner, Tony Pace’s experiences, but we would love to hear from you as we develop this work. You can join the conversation on our Monday morning radio show, fill out the confidential questionnaire that appears on the homepage on this website or email us.

Here are some of the questions we are exploring in our book and on our radio show:

What do you see as the biggest issues in care-giving?

 What do you think is important to address for this growing population?

How does care-giving fit into one’s sacred path?
 
How did your life change as a result of caring for elderly parents? 

What has been the most difficult or challenging aspects of caring for elderly parents?
 
What has been most satisfying about caring for others?
 
What really works when it coming to caring for oneself?
 
How do you deal with frustration or angry feelings toward those you care for?

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